Not every dad feels an instant bond. 

Some dads do. They hold their baby and feel something immediate and life-changing. Others feel protective, but not connected. Some feel awkward. Some feel like a helper standing outside the main relationship. Some feel more connected once their child can smile, talk, play or respond. 

If that is you, there is nothing wrong with you. 

Connection is not always a lightning bolt. Often, it is built through repeated small moments.  

These small moments can look like:

• Feeding
• Holding
• Nappy changes
• Bath time
• Singing
• Rocking
• Walking
• Playing
• Reading

Emerging Minds and AIFS resources co-authored by Vincent Mancini show that fathers’ positive engagement, caregiving, warmth, responsiveness and play can support children’s mental health and development. These resources also provide guidance for how practitioners and services can better support fathers to engage positively with their children.  

This matters because many dads underestimate the value of everyday care. 

Father-child play is also a practical and accessible way for dads to connect. A systematic review of father-child play found that play is an important area of father involvement and can be linked with children’s development.  

Quality time and the impact of play

Play does not need to be complicated or educational. It can be floor time, silly voices, kicking a ball, building blocks, safe rough-and-tumble play, drawing, making up stories or letting your child lead for ten minutes. 

Listen to this podcast on the benefits of rough and tumble play.

For Babies

For babies, connection might look simple. Your baby learns your voice, smell, touch and rhythm. They do not need you to entertain them perfectly. They need you to respond. Hold them against your chest. Talk while you change them. Take them outside. Make eye contact. Give them time to learn you. 

For Toddlers

For toddlers and young children, connection often happens through play. Get on the floor. Let them lead for ten minutes. Build the tower, crash the cars, make the animal noises, kick the ball, draw the messy picture.  

You do not have to make it educational. Your attention is the point. 

For Older Children

For older children, connection may come through side-by-side moments. Driving. Cooking. Walking the dog. Watching sport. Doing a job together. Children often open up when the pressure to talk is low. 

And when connection feels strained, repair matters. Everyone gets it wrong sometimes. You may snap, withdraw, miss a moment or feel disconnected. Repair can be simple: “I’m sorry I was short with you. I love you. Let’s try again.” 

That one sentence can teach your child something powerful: relationships can recover. 

Connection is not built by being perfect. It is built by being present, returning often, and letting your child know they matter. 

The feeling often follows the doing. 

Simple tips for dads 

1. Do one daily care task
   Feeding, bath, nappy, school drop-off, bedtime or packing lunch. Care builds confidence. 
2. Use the 10-minute rule
   Give your child ten minutes of undistracted attention. Let them choose the activity.
3. Talk even when it feels awkward
   Babies and children learn your voice through repetition. Narrate what you are doing.
4. Follow their lead
   Connection grows when children feel seen. Join their world before trying to guide it.
5. Repair quickly
   A simple apology and reconnection teaches emotional safety. 

You’re not alone in this stage of fatherhood.  

The Fathering Project supports dads and father figures with practical tips, evidence-informed resources, Dads Groups and programs designed to help fathers build stronger relationships with their children.  

Explore more fathering support by downloading the dads and toddlers booklet, access The Fathering Channel or connect with a local Dads Group.