Raising Daughters Part 2 – Communication

Over the next four weeks we will explore key tips from four key areas of life to help dads build their father–daughter relationship.

These tips are from a special E-Book series created by The Fathering Project to help dads who are big enough to reach out for advice and recognise that their most important job is fathering.

Whilst we can’t cover everything about dads and daughters in this short four – part series, we will endeavour to cover the key areas of information to help you on your father-daughter journey.

Communication – Part 2 of a 4 part series:

• If she is angry
• Say “I love you”
• Listen to your daughter
• Drugs and your daughter

If she is angry

Remember, it’s usually not personal. There are many changes your daughter will experience, physically and socially. You might just be a convenient target for her frustration and anger. That’s okay, it’s your job to be there.

• Establish boundaries, rules and consequences – with kindness.
• Have a discussion, try to understand what’s behind the anger but be careful about providing ‘fixes’ or judgements. Try to brainstorm solutions that she can own and learn to understand herself.
• Ask her if she needs more support from you.
• Help find healthy ways to relieve anger like sports or relaxation and always remember to stay calm yourself.
• Try to avoid joining-in arguments with other family members or taking sides.

Say “I love you”

Tell your children you love them, often. Love includes being there for your children, no matter what.

• Think of different ways to tell your children you love them, and different aspects of their character to celebrate.
• Write how you feel in cards, notes, emails and text messages.
• Don’t use empty, repetitive words – think of different ways to tell them you love them.
• Make eye contact.
• Use your daughter’s name.
• Surprise them sometimes by telling them when they don’t expect it.

Listen to your daughter

• Listen, even when you’re afraid to hear what they want to tell you.
• Try not to boomerang the discussion back to yourself.
• See the situation from her perspective, whether it’s a school, friends or family issue. Ask yourself what it would be like to be in her shoes.
• Become curious about their interests and music. Look for ways to connect through shared interests.
• Ask her questions, about anything, and don’t solve, criticise or judge.

Drugs and your daughter

Be aware of who your daughter is hanging out with and where. Consider if drugs are a risk for your daughter.

• Get involved and talk about drug use, the negative impact, pressures they feel etc.
• Give your daughter useful strategies to stay safe when it comes to drugs at parties and other situations when she might be vulnerable.
• Remember, support, encouragement and listening are more effective tools than threats.

For more information on this topic listen to our Raising Girls podcast with Steve Biddulph on Friday 10 July.